My, I've abandoned you for years!

For Sale.

Proton Iswara 1.3 (M) '00. Multiple accident but damn strong car as owner unhurt each time. Like new as almost every part has been replaced before. Price negotiable. Warranty 1 year. Full refund if purchaser dies while driving it. Interested?? Call Cookie 012-XXX XXXX.

Think that ad can be published in newspapers? I mean it should be allowed right? Since I'm being so honest. SIGH. Got a call from my insurance agent today regarding my claim. After 20 days of uncertainty, I've finally have a clearer picture of what is going on. Yeah 20 fcuking days for the insurance company to come out with a decision. Well can't exactly blame them when apparently all the damn adjuster in KL is on holiday. Yeah stupid of me to crash my car during the festive season, knowing damn well that as a typical Malaysian, we love to declare holiday for ourselves. Even when the actual holidays is only for a week, most of them need few days leave in advance to hype themselves up for the celebration and another few days to mourn after the holidays. 20 days is so reasonable.

Well, I don't like the outcome of the finding at all. Since clearly they ain't gonna write off my car as I wished but rather just repair it. I don't want it repaired!! Because I just don't think that the car is road worthy anymore. You don't have to be a genius to know that a car that is being repaired again and again just ain't strong enough to withstand another impact. Another impact and the car will look like a crushed coke can. It is just not safe. According to the insurance company, the car must be beyond repair or the cost to repair cost more than the value of the car, only then one can get a total loss compensation.


And that is what they meant by beyond repair. Fcuk. If my car has to be in that state to get the total loss compensation, I don't need it already. Chances are I'll get a latest BMW model and a driver. Yeah those paper effigy ones. Who will be so lucky to survive a crash of that multitude and still bug the insurance company for compensation? That is just whack. I guess it is not so hard to understand. After all the insurance company is doing business, not charity.

So what can I do? Nothing. Even checked with the insurance tribunals and their advice is just get it repaired. What I do with it after that is completely up to me. I can keep it or I can sell it. Problem is who is willing to buy such a jinxed car?? Sure I can lie about it but it just don't seem right. And I think I'll be more satisfied to know that the bitch is being slaughtered in some junk yard. I might even go and witness it. Oh well...it is probably another 20 days before the car is fixed, so no hurry in deciding.

Here is another lemon.

Someone once told me that if you want to know how your week gonna turn out to be, just look at your Monday. Because chances are if you started the week on a wrong note, it is pretty much an indication that you're in for a hell week. And after what I had to endure for the past few days, I couldn't agree more.

Had my referral paper on Monday. Well it was tough and I doubt what I've written in that 3 hours will get me a pass. Felt pretty bad about it. Actually more like disappointed with myself. But just when I thought that I've reached rock bottom with my mood, I sank to a new low. No thanks to what happened to me yesterday.

I was involved in a gang bang and while at it, I found myself banged by 2 studs simutaneously. Oh yeah, sounds like a hot scene from a porn. Except that it is not like that at all. Well it is true that it is a gang bang, 5 guys were involved but it doesn't just end there. Throw in 5 cars and you'll get the picture. A damn chain collision is what it is. How it happened? See Mr Benz decides to come down the slope at charging speed without realising that traffic ahead is at a crawl. By the time he realized it, it was too late. Mr Benz rammed into me and caused me to bang into Mr CRV who then banged Mr Myvi who next banged Mr Civic. And naturally being Mr Local Proton sandwiched between a Benz and a CRV, my car suffered the worst damage. How bad?? Here you be the judge.



That is the only picture I managed to take. The back portion is even worst. As for me, except for a strained back and neck [which I have to wear a neck support for] , I am OK. Physically at least. Mentally I doubt so. The thing is I'm tired of all this drama. I had two major accident in two years. The one last year, I lost control of my car, rammed into some railings and caused a lorry loaded with goods to overturn. This time, a chain collision.

A lot of people told me that I should be thankful. Be thankful that I'm not badly injured, be thankful that I am still alive despite the accidents. They say that what that don't kill you makes you stronger. Stronger?? For what?? A bigger accident?? A front page worthy one?? And how many more?? Niel says that this is life. That the glass is half full or half empty depending on how you see it. His classic quote "When life hands you a lemon, you make lemonade with it". Try stay positive, look at the bright side. But I have enough of lemons already, I deserve something else.

Greatest Gift I've Ever Received.

So last night I had dinner at Alexis with the girls- Niel, Fei Mui, Ed, Ann and Cindy. Another routine dinner that we have everytime Fei Mui comes back from motherland, London. A night where all the girls get together at some place with an overpriced menu and fancy drinks list and does what we're most capable of doing- bitching. As the night progress, Fei Mui dramatically excused himself [an Oscar worthy performance I would say] and when he returned, he was carrying this package with him.



Yes, a package wrapped with CUNT CUNT CUNT all over it.He passed it over to Neil whom in turn shoved it into my face. Well I was shocked as I have no idea at all. Even though I'm turning 25 in 2 weeks time, I did not have the slightest idea that this would happen as I've make it clear that I do not want to celebrate it as there is absolutely nothing worth celebrating. But as usual, they chose to ignore my request. And this is what they gave me.





I'm really touched. They gave me something that I've wanted for a long time but never got around to actually buy it. Not only that they remembered that I like it, but the trouble they went through to execute it. To plan it all behind my back to perfection without me suspecting a thing, for Fei Mui to actually learn how to wrap a gift properly and to carry all 10kg of it back from London, all the troubles he encountered with that bitch at the check in counter for the 10kg excess baggage. Not to mention to spend their hard earned money on me when Niel would not even spend it on himself. What can I say except THANK YOU. But this is not the greatest gift that I'm talking about.

Being the bitter queen that I am, I've always feel that life is unfair and I'm always chosen to be the unlucky one. My life is full of obstacles and constantly at a low point. I'm never content with what I have and always complaining, always wanting more. I'm always not- not good looking enough, not tall enough, not enough money, ,severely not enough sex...the list go on and on. But for whatever that I feel that I'm lacking of, I've been blessed with one thing- friends. I don't have many that I can call them my friends but for the few that I have, they're all fabulous. In a way I think that they're my guardian angels. Heaven sent. A gift to me to help me get through life.

Everytime I think I'm at a new low in life, one of them is bound to be around to guide me through, to help me get back on my feet again. This is especially true with Niel, Fei Mui and Phiwip. I've been through some much with the 3 of them. And I can't imagine life without them. Their present in my life is the greatest gift I've ever received. And there is no other gifts in this world that I would exchange them for. Never ever.

Rainbow

OK, so it has been a while since I've updated my blog. Almost a month, that is according to my sister Niel. Well there is the 'Better Days' entry but he refuses to acknowledge that as a valid entry. See according to him and his set of Rules of Blogging, 'Better Days' is just posting of lyrics to a song and unless I wrote that song, I cannot claim it as my creative effort. Therefore, he disqualified 'Better Days' and demanded that I need to blog again for my 'fans'-the people that frequents this blog. Well I think his demand is whack, since I think my 'fans' consist of only him and another sister, Fei Mui. Both that knows everything since we talk like everyday, either on the phone or the net. So if there is indeed some other 'fans' out there, do leave a comment now and then ya!

Anyway, that is not what this entry is about. This entry [literally quoting Mimi here] chronicles my emotional rollercoaster ride for the past year. To make it simple, it has certainly been the most difficult year that I've been through. Of course there is some good days here and there but the bad days far outnumbered the good ones. And I think it started when I failed my certification exams last year.

Well I was always aware of how difficult the exam is. Or rather how difficult it is to actually PASS the exam. With an average of 20%-30% passing rate each year for the damn exam [Mind you that percentage includes conditional passes too], you will know too. But what that I'm not aware of is the extend of damage that failure caused me. It caught me off guard and I became depressed. I was lost, I didn't know what to do. I wanted to give it up but I was forced to give it one more try.

So I sat for it again this year. Which is much more difficult than the first time. No not the exam itself but rather the period prior to it. It is just simple logic, I'm not doing it willingly and hence I am not happy doing it. Not to mention the pressure. Everyone seems to think that since I'm doing it the second time it should be easy. Easy because I'm studying the same thing again and I should be familiar with it. I was so pressured and stressed by it. I cried in bed so many nights just to get myself to sleep. And it got worst the week prior to the exam. I freaked out every other minute and I cant eat, I lost 5kg in a week without exercising.

But now I'm finally able to smile again. Well a conditional pass is as good as a pass for me. At least I've been given a second chance and I'm gonna make sure that I make good out of it. Because I've never felt so relieved for so long. And I would not want to go though all that ever again. So I guess Mimi is right, a rainbow do appear after every storm, if you look hard enough.

Better Days

I used to sit and wonder
Would I ever be happy
Life was so bittersweet
So many disappointments
Too many ups and downs for me
When you live a nightmare
It's hard to dream

But sometimes life just isn't fair
So why complain nobody cares
And I don't wanna waste nobody's time
So I'm

I'm bout to change my vibe
Today the sun's gonna shine
Cause I made up my mind
That today will be the start of better days
Leavin old shit behind
And move on with my life
The blindfold's off my eyes
And now all I see for me is better days

Afraid of my reflection
Tell me that's not me I see
That's who I wanna be
Stuck somewhere in the middle
On half full or half empty
Waiting for somebody to come and rescue me

Can't let that petty attitude
Start to jade my point of view
Only thing that does is bring me down
So I'm

I'm bout to change my vibe
Today the sun's gonna shine
Cause I made up my mind
That today will be the start of better days
Leavin old shit behind
And move on with my life
The blindfold's off my eyes
And now all I see for me is better days

Hurt so many times before
I used to cry but no more
Let it go and life can feel
So good
Stop lying the blues

Can't let that petty attitude
Start to jade my point of view
Only thing that does is bring me down
So I'm

I'm bout to change my vibe
Today the sun's gonna shine
Cause I made up my mind
That today will be the start of better days
Leavin old shit behind
And move on with my life
The blindfold's off my eyes
And now all I see for me is better days


Wish I can be as positive as Ms Baboon Jackson. Been depressed for days and I can't even blame it on Christmas. SIGH.

Malaysia Next Gutsy Girl.

After years months of living in denial, I'm finally admitting to a fact. Yes I'm FAT. God this is difficult. As a staunch supporter of Denialism, I've never imagine that there will come a day that I'll make such an honest admission about the state of my physique. I've always chose to ignore the existence of that evil word. To me that word is equivalent to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named in the world of J.K.Rowling. The Dark Lord that nobody wants to have anything to do with. Likewise in the real world, people tends to shuns away from the evil word. Well at least I do so. That is possible until it becomes so obvious- in your face kinda obvious, that I can no longer deny its existence. Of course you'll say that I should have see it coming. Just like the saying "Rome wasn't build in a day", I do know for a fact that the amount fats that I've accumulated isn't from a one day effort too. However being the mother of all deluded princesses, I've chose to ignore all the warning signs.

Warning #1- Goodbye A&F, Hello Ms Read.
I use to enjoy shopping so much. My face beamed with pride whenever I asked the sales assistant to get me the smallest size available. Mind you I'm talking about being able to shop in Guess Kids and having a 28 inch waist. Where my low rise jeans fits me like a glove and together with my fierce walk, Tyra Banks would kill to have me on ANTM. Yes that is how glorious I am when I'm at my peak as an orient beauty. Then disaster struck. My hipster jeans decides to budge no more and rest firmly on my thigh and I needed my brother's help to get the Guess Kid's tee off. I blamed the washing machine for shrinking all my clothes- all at one go.

Warning #2- When Lying Mirror Lies No More.
Yes.I have one of those mirror that all the boutiques in the world uses- the lying mirror. The mirror that will tell you that you're Ariel the Little Mermaid when the truth is, you're Ursula the wicked sea witch. So when the lying mirror decides that for once it wants to tell the truth and reflects that I'm now officially a whale, I chose not to believe it. Instead, I came to a conclusion that the lying mirror has turned whack. I believed that I'm so slim that it confuses the lying mirror and hence causes it to malfunction. It is really easy to lose yourself in such illusions- especially when Xtina's Beautiful is the song you sang to every morning as if it is the national anthem.

Warning #3- From Being Seduced To Being Rejected.
By the same guy. By the guy that seduced the innocent me when we're both still attending high school. The guy that causes me get a mere C4 for Biology for SPM because I was busy blowing him 5 hours before the exam. The guy that is hung like a horse that literally begged to pop my cherry with his WHOPPER dick. Of course being young, innocent and ladylike I denied his request, several times. That till this very day remains as one of the biggest regret in my life. So imagine my excitement when he called me one day and asked me out for a drink, after not seeing each another for about 3 years as he is studying abroad. So I told myself that I'm gonna fulfill his wildest dream that very night. Well it didn't turn out the way I thought it would. From the second he stepped into my car, he told me these exact words "OMG YOU'RE SO HUGE NOW". That is like a slap to my face.... and it is not exactly like the cock slapping type that I was expecting to get that night. But I still didn't think that I'm that huge and I consoled myself with the fact that he is actually bitter that he did not get to claim my cherry 8 years ago and is still a virgin at the age of 25.

Even with all that, I stood firm by my principles. That I'll never let those jealous whores to ever affect me. But after yesterday I've finally lost the battle that I've fought for so long. I'm finally admitting out loud to the whole world that I'm FAT. The final nail to the coffin is of course when my dearest sister NIEL thinks that my size and my failed attempts to be slim with the help of a gym membership would be a good material for his blog. And at the same time another dearest sister FEI MUI, who is as fat (if not fatter) as I am, acknowledge that Niel's entry is absolutely on point. I can deny all the other allegations. But this one, I can't. Because it came from my sisters, sisters that would never tell me anything but the truth.

My sisters had saved me from continuing to live in denial. So this time I'm determined to fight it. I'll try anything. I'll make this blog like Niel's... he uses it to keep track of his cigarette count and I'll use mine to keep track of my calories count. I'm going to start going to the gym again. And like Niel, I give myself till the end of the year. He will be ciggi free and I'm gonna be fat free.

And if I'm still not by fat free by then, I have a backup plan. Slimming centers, watch out for me. No I'm not gonna sign up for slimming sessions as I've learned my lesson well. Instead I'm gonna do it the Gutsy Girl way.



If that worked for her why not me? Besides I believe I can strike a pose better than Christy Chung does for Marie France. So to all snatch thieves out there, be warned. And girls you all better pray that this will work. Because I'm pretty determined to be the next Gutsy Girl. If I can't get an actual snatching, I'll stage one. And naturally, one of you girls will be the lucky one that I will sit on.